We converse outwardly differently than we do internally. We usually talk in words like, Hello, Thank you, Please, No I  won’t do that, or Yes I’d love to. I want that, I need that. I think that, we should, they could, why don’t, if only, this is something, I did that and I experienced this, saw, smelled, heard, felt, etc.

Internally our conversations are far more random and broader in their applied vocabulary. They include raw colors, stronger emotional links, more nuance. They are as if in a deeper language than that we speak. Perhaps this is only true for me or that it is because American English is my only language of external verbal fluency. I’d like to think that there are others who think in the same language, whose thoughts are subtly colored and as seemingly different from the confines of the spoken as my own feel to be.

Individually we all have our own unique inner voice which is often extremely hard to bring to the surface and even harder sometimes to express audibly in a form that is as deeply or even just as  clearly understood by others as by the self.

I’ve probably had as  much training in language expressions, writing, speaking as the average american born in 1942. That’s not saying much I suppose but things like sentence structure, spelling, grammar, etc were not my favorite or best subjects in school. I have come to enjoy the play of words and love to explore the derivation of expressions and the nuances of puns. I’ve been through the grinder of learning on-the-job how to write proposals, contracts and agreements; rationalizations for actions and explanations of benefits. I’ve written poetry while in isolation and a resumé as haiku.

When it comes to expressing the inner conversations I have found most of my life that the most natural language for me is visual. As an artist I have made expressions that to the best of my ability have been from my internal font. My abstract paintings are meant to express the joy and pain and the energy that accompanies and surges through my deeper consciousness. I create things that have not existed before that may speak to others, hopefully by allowing them to translate it into their own unique internal language. I know it works but only for a few. I know that this understanding transcends outward language and culture based on the responses to my artwork from those who view it.

As a designer I have sold my talents to business enterprises in the form of graphic designs: branding, corporate identity, packaging, publications and advertising. As an industrial designer developing the look and feel of products from hand-made to high technology. All using what of that inner language can be filtered through the sieve of marketing objectives and corporate management. I have used words, actions and examples to pass along these skills to others so inclined to prosper and been rewarded by the successes of my students.

Now I’m seeking to express the inner voice to my world starting at the closest circle of family. I’ve not been what I consider the best example of a father and have deeply loved my children from their conception. I have been rewarded by their successes and by their of(f)spring. [ a typographic error has revealed a better word for children than offspring – ofspring. This implies more reality, children are more “of” their parents than “off” which implies throwing off. An example of both the shortcomings of our outer languages and the beauty of accidents. ]

The writing here  is intended to be mostly bits and fragments of memoir to be pieced together at some point, the timing of which is yet unrevealed. I want it to be able to be assimilated as food for thought, fodder for growth and enlightenment. I want to pass along my experiences that may offer some insight, perspective and understanding to your individual situation. I have passed along many things to my children in the form of DNA, life experiences and love; I pray these words be well received.

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