thoughts on work

I have a recurring dream where I am working at a job
where I am well paid and have a responsible position
but haven’t a clue what I am to be doing since others
look at me assuming I’m doing my part as I wander
around trying to look involved though totally lost.

Everyone else appears to be performing some relevant tasks
though relevant to what I can’t ascertain since it’s all a mystery
that I don’t dare to ask about and blow my cover since I depend
on that paycheck to come though it seems to be for doing nothing
but wandering around trying to figure out what I can do to be effective.

It’s seen by my peers, friends and relatives to be a good position
one that affords me respect and pays my bills for a change though
I don’t have many and my life feels in this dream like it must be good
though I am trapped in this strange workplace where I really don’t belong
and fear someone will find me out and throw me out into the night alone.

Sometimes it’s in an office or design studio others it’s in a factory
with lots of separate buildings filled with machinery and materials
being worked and moved from station to station amidst lots of noise
and activity of which I am just an observer trying to look official or something
though I’m not really a part of anything and lack the slightest connection.

My whole working life has felt like I am merely an actor and perhaps
not really a physical being since my inability to belong anywhere
leaves me wondering what all of it is worth and why I bother to even
try day after day to maintain the charade just to pay the rent and eat
and consume things which have no eternal value.

The weekend days off, holidays and periods of extended unemployment
on the other hand allow me to feel whole and able to contribute to the
betterment of the world at my best and at my own pace which feels
so much more in tune than the cycle of drudgery that takes place at work
and actually provides a sustenance equal or better in all regards.

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